Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
