We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
