I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Actions speak louder than pants.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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