So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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