Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
