I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
