Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
