Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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