i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
