last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
