Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
