am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
