In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
