I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
