did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
