Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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