I look better un-naked...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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