I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
His nipple licking is glorious
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