I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck appropriateness.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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