Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
