When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
