He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
