how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
