I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
