You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
