You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize