She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
