yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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