In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
