Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
