so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
