If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
