I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
