it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
