We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
