I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
