yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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