I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
