Plan B is the new Plan A
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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