i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
