So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
