She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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