life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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