i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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