i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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