I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
