I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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