Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There r osticjed everywhere
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
