I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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