the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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