And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
