I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
