you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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