when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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