Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
