Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
