cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
