I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
how does that bad decision feel?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
