Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
