i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
