So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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