She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
