The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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