I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize