Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
