I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont even know how to be here
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
