i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
