You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
